Colbert vs. Holmes-Norton: Fight!

This video clip is absolutely hilarious. Stephen Colbert (it's French!) interviews Eleanor Holmes-Norton, Representative from D.C. Colbert is the master of double-speak and getting on an interviewee's nerves.

Fidel: Ha ha! I'm not dead yet!

This is a great quote from Fidel Castro:

"Castro, who will be 80 on August 13, made fun of his long-time ideological nemesis the United States in a speech in which he said more Cubans are reaching 100 thanks to the social services of his Communist government.

"But, our little neighbors to the north should not fear, I am not planning to be in office at that age," the left-wing firebrand said."

For those keeping count, he has been in power since 1959. He has outlasted the following Presidents of the United States:

Eisenhower
Kennedy
Johnson
Nixon
Ford
Carter
Reagan
Bush I
Clinton
Bush II

Yes, that's 10 Presidents. Puts a little perspective on his dry humor.

From Television To Rockets

Exciting news for Costa Rica today. A plasma-powered rocket is being developed in the tiny coffee-making, surf-riding, tourist-having country. Yes. Costa Rica. Apparently, Costa Rican national Franklin Chang-Diaz, a former NASA astronaut, inaugurated a new lab to develop the new engine. The plan is to sell the engine to NASA. According to the CNN article, it could cut the trip time to Mars by 1/3rd!

News Bites 07/19/2006

News Bites:

= Oklahoma City investor group buys the Seattle Supersonics.

= Bush says shit. That jerk. Shit, I never say shit.

= Hezbollah. Terrorist Organization. Political Party. Army?...

This one deserves a little commentary on my part. Imagine if you will a political party in the United States, we'll call them Religicans. These Religicans are ultra conservative, and believe that the only true law is the law from their book, Korible. No other laws matter. They also commit terrorist attacks against Mexico and Canada frequently in an ongoing war to secure their beliefs and borders. Furthermore, they have their own fully combat ready army outside the government military forces, including short and medium range missiles, infantry, etc. whose only loyalty is to Religicans, not the United States. Does any of this sound bizarre? Well that is exactly what Hezbollah is. Do you also see how this sort of accepted arrangement within the United States government would completely fly in the face of stability?

If Lebanon wants to be stable long-term, this sort of thing just won't do. Either the whole country needs to be run by Hezbollah (and get annihilated by Israel and the US), or none of it.

When Birds Die Pt. II

A quick update on the birdies. I took a peek at the nest yesterday. Two feathery little heads popped up from the rim of the nest so it looks like at least two have survived. Again, the parent birdies went ballistic when I got near. I'll see if I can get a pic up here.

When Birds Die

Practicing my sand wedge in the back yard yesterday, I found a nestling on the ground under a large shrub next to its dead sibling. It had flies buzzing it. My first thought was that this little bird would be dead soon. I looked up into the bush and sure enough there was a small nest. If I shook the branch I could see a little bird head and mouth extend toward the sky.

My choice was to kill the fallen bird to end its misery, let it sit on the ground and get eaten by flies, or try to put the bird back in the nest. Well, I really didn't want to kill the bird and I didn't want it to get eaten by flies, so my only remaining option was to put it back in the nest with the other remaining nestling.

I picked up the bird and proceeded to wind my way through the branches. It kept opening its little yellow beak waiting for food right in my little gloved hand. Cute and creepy all at the same time. I carefully flicked the bird into the nest from a pretty precarious position and went on my way to hitting more golf balls.

I hadn't even gotten through one set of golf balls, when again I found the little bird on the ground. Admittedly, the nest was a little wonky and small so it's no wonder why this little bird keeps falling out and why another sibling had already perished. I went to pick up the bird and noticed other little birdy remains filled with moving maggots. That makes two siblings already dead.

Just then my woman pokes her head out the back door to see what I'm doing. I explain the details and proceed to put the bird back up in the nest again.

Our neighbor comes out to have a chat and we mention our little birdy dilemma. She mentions that once you touch a bird, the parents will abandon it and the nest because they can smell humans. I had heard this before, but I also read that it wasn't true.

Later in the evening I looked it up on one of my favorite myth-busting websites, Snopes.com. Sure enough, this idea of birdy abandonment is false. People might scare the birds away, but it has nothing to do with scent, etc. I never even saw the parents the whole time I was dealing with the nest, so they may have already abandoned it. Frank, the cat, may have scared them away too.

The next morning we awoke to, guess what? Yes, one of the birds had fallen out of the nest again. This time, though, mommy bird was hanging around the nest and daddy bird was on our roof with a juicy worm in his mouth. I set out again to put the renegade bird into the nest. This time was a little more difficult. Trying to reach through that bush with my upper torso completed consumed by shrub limbs and mommy bird squaking her brains out was a tad unnerving. I had visions of mommy bird pecking my eye out while I'm trying to put the bird back. I backed off at least once. Yes. I did. A little bird scared me off.

I got the bird back in the nest on the second try even though mommy bird's squaking brought daddy bird over to the shrub too. Alfred Hitchcock would have died laughing at my situation.

Anyway, it gets me to thinking. You know these little birds probably didn't deserve to live. They were born to dumb parents that built their poorly constructed nest in a large shrub near a house with a sharp-toothed cat. On top of that, it is normal for some of the flock to be pushed out, or out-competed, to make way for the stronger birds. It's the natural order of things for some of these birds to die. In a way, maybe even a good lesson for youngsters to understand how nature works. Great, I just contributed to weakening the species.

Frank is out today, so if one of those little birds falls out again, I'll probably never know it.

Spacewalking And Spatulas

Astronauts today were testing repair putties during a spacewalk. The putties would be used for patching shuttles on future missions should they be damaged in some way. During some of the putty tests, one of the astronauts lost the spatula:

"Sellers provided a bit of excitement when the spatula -- about the size of a normal kitchen tool -- he used to spread the sealant disappeared when he wasn't looking.

"No sign of the spatula; I think it's gone, gone, gone," Sellers said."

I'm kind confused about this. I heard that the shuttle missions are already scheduled to be stopped. Would these possible patches be intended for the remaining missions or has the shuttle's life been extended?

Anyway, it's kind of neat to see some really practical, understandable experiments taking place, something the general populace can grasp.

Headline from the future: Russian satellite impaled by American spatula traveling at 25,000 miles per hour.

Podcasts And Me

Been listening to podcasts for a few weeks now at work. You don't have to have an Ipod to listen to them, ya' know.

My favorites are Golf for Beginners, NPR News Summary, NPR Technology, The Dave Ramsey Show, and Wired News Podcast.

Putin Enters Bizarro World

"I tell you honestly, I just wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act."

"I just liked him and he liked me very much."

Putin then lifted the boy's shirt and kissed him on his stomach.

No, this is not the screenplay for a pedophilia movie. This is the actual sequence of events today in Russia as Vladimir Putin met a small boy in the Kremlin.

Hello bizzaro world.

From CNN.

The Karate Kid - Best Movie Ever Made?

I officially nominate The Karate Kid as the best movie ever made. No really. The best movie ever made. I mean c'mon. Have you seen this movie? It's the best.

Nobody is wiser or more fierce than Mr. Miyagi. This guy is a total badass. Did you see those war medals he has? And now he just does maintenance. And why does he do maintenance? Because he doesn't have to do anything else, he's such a badass.

This movie has everything. Action. Check. Romance. Check. Teen Angst, bad guys, karate, motorcycles, the ocean, fishing, gardens, antique cars. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, and check.

I mean, c'mon. Have you seen this movie? It's so friggin' awesome. No movie has more quotable quotes than The Karate Kid. Here is just one of sooo many out there:

Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: I guess so.
Miyagi: [sighs] Daniel-san, must talk. Man walk on road. Walk left side, safe. Walk right side, safe. Walk down middle, sooner or later, get squished
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Same here. You karate do "yes," or karate do "no." You karate do "guess so,"
[makes squish gesture]
Miyagi: just like grape. Understand?
Daniel: Yeah, I understand.
Miyagi: Now, ready?
Daniel: Yeah, I'm ready.

And you know what? That wasn't even the best one. Here is another:

[just before Johnny fights Daniel in the tournament]
Kreese: Sweep the leg.
[Johnny stares at him in shock]
Kreese: Do you have a problem with that?
Johnny: No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.

What an awesome moment. So awesome.

Ok, one more:

[Miyagi clicks chopsticks at a fly]
Daniel: Wouldn't a fly swatter be easier?
Miyagi: Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything.
Daniel: Ever catch one?
Miyagi: Not yet.
[Daniel proceeds to catch a fly with the chopsticks]

What a great moment! So. Friggin. Awesome.

Oh man, there are so many more, just not enough room for it all.

Look if you haven't seen this movie in a while or if you have a new generation of kids to show it to, you owe it to yourself to watch this movie. Now.

The music, the crane technique, Elisabeth Shue, go-karts, soccer, karate. I could go on and on. That's why The Karate Kid is the best movie ever made.

Quotes from IMDB.com